Video: The Riddle of Experience vs Memory?

When you look back on your life, which memories are truly happy? Many of us will answer with significant events, such as our wedding day or the birth of a child. Yet, it turns out that memories and experiences are not always the same.

In his fascinating TED Talk, Experience vs. Memory, Daniel Kahneman – once one of the world’s most influential psychologists (he passed 27th March 2024, aged 90!) – explains the difference between the “experiencing self” and the “remembering self.”

The two often have conflicting perspectives, which can cause intriguing paradoxes in how we interpret and pursue happiness. The experiencing self is mostly caught up in the present, i.e., moment-to-moment experiences. By contrast, the remembering self is our personal “storyteller,” reflecting on our lives to evaluate our experiences and give them meaning.

A good example of this is our tendency (in our “remembering self” state) to highlight the peak moments and how experiences end. The length or consistency of happiness during the event is less emphasised. This is known as the “peak-end rule”, and it can influence our decisions.

For instance, we might choose an action which satisfies the remembering self over those that would bring sustained joy to the experiencing self. This raises an important question: do we seek happiness for the sake of living it or for creating stories we can cherish later?

Which self should we prioritise when making decisions? Kahnman’s insights suggest that many of us need to reconsider our definitions of happiness and success. Much of the answer comes down to personal values—i.e. Do you put more value on the pleasure of the moment or the story you will tell about your life?

However, there is a strong case for balance rather than simply leaning on either extreme. The experiencing self “lives its life continuously”, with each present “moment” lasting about three seconds. Afterwards, most are lost forever to the remembering self. Yet these short moments still matter. Kahneman offers two helpful questions to help us reconcile our two selves: “How happy is my experiencing self, and am I satisfied with my overall story?”

This talk is fascinating and raises as many questions as it answers. We commend this TED Talk to you and would love to hear your thoughts!